learning to live again ...

There is one day a week that is simultaneously my favorite and least favorite day of the week.

Because every week I attend therapy, I have been doing so for a couple of year now.

Varying styles, not just counselling, but always intensive therapy for a minimum of a 1 hour session.

I always schedule these for mid afternoon, and I always have a prepared dinner waiting @ home, because more often than not, by the time the session has ended, I am absolutely exhausted, mentally drained and many times in a state of varied levels of disassociation for a large part, if not the remainder of the day.

Sometimes I get asked why, if it is so taxing and disruptive to my life, then why do I do it?

There is not a clear answer, because ...

I go to therapy to be actively healing my mind,

I go to therapy to break cycles, from my past,

I go to therapy to learn how to unravel 6 years of personal relationship trauma, (now ended) & the effect of what occured on myself and my youngest daughter, (now an adult, out in the world on her own, who also went to therapy for her self - (in part due to the my relationship), and that's important to me for me to consider ...

I go to therarpy to learn how to manage the life long medical condition, I was suddenly diagnosed with in early 2023 - one that changed the way I live life within a few short weeks,

I go to therapy to learn how to repack my personal trauma, so I can carry on in peace,

I go to therapy to learn how to repack the new limitations of what my body can now do,  

I go to therapy to learn how to manage my sadness from all of this, so I can move forward in life calm again,

I go to therapy to learn how to manage my self joy, so I can again live my days happy with myself,

Once a week I go to therapy and fully immerse myself into an intensive clinically planned session, so that one day, my brain will once again realign it's Neuro pathways to the point that I can live, my life in the present & so that my inner child can be an immersed once again, within myself.

I go to therapy so that I get the best version of myself @ this moment in time, & so that my family & friends get this same version,

These Therapy sessions are probably my most important part of the week, as knowing that I'm one more week deeper into my healing and that I'm one week closer to being healed, is bigger than I can say in words, @ this moment in time.

And my gosh, do I owe myself this, and for however long it takes to find the comfortable, easy going, chilled and relaxed me again ...